Have you ever seen something like a word on a build board or even the time on your clock when you’ve woken up, and said it over and over in your head 100 times? Or have you tried to alternate from stepping on the lines of the sidewalk to avoiding them completely? Or what about needing to straighten crooked things around you, or cleaning up a mess? I could go on and on. OCD or (obsessive compulsive disorder) is a disorder that anyone can develop. It is very common but its intensity varies. OCD is a way the brain copes with anxiety and/or depression. My ticks range from the common ones I previously stated, to biting my nails, scratching/picking at my arms, and pulling out my hair. I developed a little bald spot at the beginning of the semester. In fact my anxiety was at an all time high this semester. I don’t handle change well, and many people with anxiety/depression will tell you the same. Transition/change is difficult for people like me because it takes us time to adjust and find comfort in a different environment. I know I’m sounding like a different species of animal but it takes a lot for us to make that step. It’s a difficult life dealing with anxiety/depression.
To summarize how mine works; usually when I think I have my shit together and something comes up and I start feeling overwhelmed by it, it’s so much so that it’s too much to bear. And because of this my mind tries to find a way out; recklessly. I become agitated and irritated easily with people. I even begin to shut people off. I second guess myself and feel paranoid and afraid. This is anxiety. And when the hell of that becomes too much the mind tries to find methods of comfort. OCD is the most prominent one. And when all of that is too much, and I just want to stop worrying and living in constant fear, I surrender and shut myself off. I feel numb and void, and it may seem like I don’t care, but I do, at least I really want to and I wish I could try. This is depression. All of these are connected to one another. And all require different methods of coping. It isn’t easy like I previously stated. The mind is so much more complex than we even understand, which is why anxiety/depression has the stigma it has. And I can promise you that anyone going through what I do would rather not. There are steps and methods a person like me can take to make life easier.
Two helpful sites I visited gave different ideas and insights:
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/transforming-panic-into-peace-3-steps-to-relieve-anxiety/ This site gives tips and methods for anxiety and depression. It is insightful and offers many uplifting reads. The blogs are well written in that they offer solutions to many impossible situations. If you feel stuck and/or distraught in your current situation visit the site.
http://sunnyspellsandscatteredshowers.org/depression/ This blogger was ranked as number 1 in the greatest blogs for depression by the website Psych Central. She writes personal anecdotes and helps readers to understand and overcome their illness. It is filled with inspiring and encouraging reads for anyone needing help.
You do not have to settle with the way you are feeling. You have the right to get help and live a happy life free of irrational thinking. You are worth it. This is a lifelong battle for most people. And it can require medication, therapy, and self soothing tips as I’ve discussed. Sometimes one needs help. And it can make all the difference.